Family & Relationships Friends & Friendship

Something Is Not Right Here - 2011

She introduced me to some events that were of interest, special retreats, group readings.  I thought this was fun and just another past time that many other people found interesting, as time went by 1988, 1989, I advanced in my computer skills, had a few sexual encounters, the same job in 2 years, it kinda started when I received a call from brother, sounding a little loaded, we exchanged pleasantries and then something very dark and sad came over me and I started to cry while we were talking, since I was in the office I hid my emotions the best I could, my brother was unaware what I was going through, but I knew and said to my self this fuckers dying.  At the time I didn't know but I was headed back to Chicago.  About a month, sure as shit I was on Greyhound headed for Chicago, when I got there I moved in with my sister Cani Ann, that didn't last too long because I got a job and found my own place.  I started school at night while I worked, I decided I needed a piece of paper to back up my new skills.

Things were going good, I graduated, I was working in Schaumburg and living in a nice apartment, my brother soon died, and I did not take this too well, he was very special  to me, I felt abandon in a way, my best advocate gone, the person who was on my side, no matter what.  I lost my job and apartment 2 years later, and started to have time not filled longer than I imagined would ever be, I felt scared, lost.  When I finally found work something was missing, I was learning new technologies, but I no longer felt anchored.  I wondered about the monster, I first realized I was in a fight for my life with the monster back in 1984, I was aghast, first divorce, quiting my job, selling my drums, now this, it was too much.  I know the monster whom I call T.RX is part of my day to day struggles but there is something else?  I have faced big challenges before but not with T.RX on my back, and still there something else going on.  My social life tanked after my divorce, it seems every potential I met would turn out to be a loser, I kept thinking, I keep meeting women who are me before the change, and I thought so this is Karma  huh, but I thought I changed, I am no-longer the trophy hunter, I am the new Michael.  When the year 1995 came I rekindled an old friendship from the 70's, a musician who I regarded with respect and admiration, we soon became current buddies again and I even worked for him during the summer setting up his stages, it was fun work and after the summer of working you really were in great shape, the other thing was because he was still playing guitar in bands I started playing drums again, at first it was obvious that I was really rusty and would tire easily, but I got bettor, but then life happened, I had been working as a consultant making a good paycheck and saving money, when the contract ended, I decided to move to Phoenix, and it turned out like California, I struggled for the first few month's but then got another consulting gig that lasted two years, those two years I lived well, had many good experiences and some bad, so I invited my Mom to live with me in 1996, it lasted awhile but not too long and we parted, then things got bad and I found myself homeless, then Mom got terminally sick and moved back to Chicago to die, she moved in with my sister Marge, I in the mean time was doing bettor, fighting T.RX, living in a commune type situation and was feeling good, then life took over and I got a call from Marge, she needed help with Mom, I got on a plane and the next thing I know I am back in Chicago.

After Mom's death I got a job working downtown and a nice place in Oak Park, IL, still fighting T.RX, I was happy again, except for one thing, Mom was my last crusader, now I was really alone.    The year was 1999 after Mom's death everything changed, I knew if I got into trouble no one was there to help me, my sisters were to caught up in their own lives.  And trouble found me, time after time, nothing too bad but T.RX was on a rampage, I tried many cures, followed advice from many people, did the right thing, did the wrong thing, prayed, meditated, read more metaphysical books, self help books, then I came upon a certain book called "A Course In Miracles", this book was astounding, I have never read anything that made so much logical sense unfortunately I was too embattled with T.RX to give it the proper attention, deja vue would bring it back into my life later.  After more adventures I found myself back into my friend JP's life again, I was playing again, working for JP again and even living with him, this started a new set of adventures that even got tricky at times, confusing, and T.RX was loving it.

This was a challenging time for me, JP was like a brother to me, but at times you would think he was my personal Satan, our lives together were very good and then very bad, the one thing that was very good, my drumming skills were surpassing the level when I quit 16 years ago, I was amazed, something I discovered when I was 16 years old was how I could learn through my subconscious, when JP and his band would practice I would watch TV or work on the computer, but what was happening was I was learning his songs, one day he asked me to practice with him and we went through all of his current songs he was playing with his band and I knew them bettor than his current band drummer, this not only surprised him, it surprised me, I thought how could this be, it was then that I think that under my own mind I knew something was up, I couldn't put my finger on it, but somethings not right here.

The year was 2007, I got a new job programming again making OK money, but T.RX was still controlling a part of the story, I moved out of JP's, never to return again, we had our fill of each other and things would never be the same, bye JP.  I started reading "A Course in Miracles" again and doing the lessons, this book was consuming me, I knew that it had the answers I was looking for, but like other things the answers were easy but hard, the ACIM reminded of a certain Organization I belonged to.  The book literally took me on a emotional roller coaster ride like I have never been on before.  I lost the book, I threw it away, I found it, I hated it, I loved it, I thought what is going on with me?, am I going crazy ?, that's it I am loony, T.RX has won.  The year is 2009, I have so many ups and downs, I can't tell bottom from top, I started working from home back in Oct, 2008, I got a nice place in Chicago next to an old friend and T.RX is hot for me! He wants me bad, my EGO wants me worse, I swear the two mother fuckers are working together, my EGO and T.RX , I am fucked, I am FUBAR, fuck up beyond all recognition, I go on a road trip to Arizona in March of 2009 to visit relatives and what an experience that turns out to be, I did get to see my cousins and Unc, but I soon realized I was related to another monster, she knows T.RX too, talk about meeting your spiritual challenges, so as the year approaches summer, I am back too my old homeless self, my destiny, I think, I hope not, I am still true to my friend ACIM, but now I am reading Metaphysical books again and surfing the net and finding stuff that is incredible - 2012.

2012 and everything I have read about it, associated, and somethings not associated with it, I also learn about the "Law of One" series, as I take and compute in my mind all this information, things start forming in my head, explanations, T.RX is not alone, something else is happening, I AM NOT GOING CRAZY!

Then it happened, I met K, wow I was blown away buy the circumstances, the odds, I have not seen this person since 1969, I have not talked intimately with a women in so many years I can't even remember.  K changed my life, 180 degrees, 360 degrees, 720 degrees, 1440 degrees, GOD what are you doing to me!  Remember I am your friend, your son, your follower, a believer, a worshipper, a prayer, a meditator, I asked fucking Jesus Christ into my life, why are you fucking with me.  K has been my savior, friend, banker, lover, texting teacher.  Now as I go through life I notice other peoples behavior, newspaper articles, TV news, weather, catastrophes from around the world, for crist sake we have a Afro-American President, how can anybody tell me that something ain't going on here that makes no sense to a three dimensional world.  I am now a total believer we are asleep, we are dreaming, this is not real.

Nothing Real can be threatened

Nothing Unreal exists

herein lies the peace of GOD

There will be those who are aware, there will those who are not.

Leave a reply