Family & Relationships Family & Relationships

Break Up Stages in the Relationship Trust Area

Relationships break up in stages in all the relationship areas (commitment, fidelity and trust).
If we focus on the trust area what do the break up stages look like? Relationship trust can be defined as confidence or reliance or dependence on another as you move together as a partnership.
You are moving together and supporting each other on the basis of trust.
This means that if you trust your partner than you will rely on them, you will have confidence in them and in the decisions that they make and you will feel secure in your partner and your relationship.
So what happens in the 3 relationship trust break up areas? 1.
Trust dips.
You or your partner decides that they no longer need to be on their best behavior.
The chase is over and they can now relax and stop extending themselves for the other.
So they begin to drop the ball in the area of trust by 'minor' lies so that they can get out of doing 'too' much for the other and the relationship.
If they are asked to do something they agree to do so but they don't.
They agree so as to avoid conflict but they know even when they are agreeing that they will not do it.
They may agree to pick up the dry cleaning or the groceries when they have no intention of doing so at that particular time or day.
They may pick them up after 2 or 3 reminders but the foundation for mistrust has been laid.
The lesson is taught that the partner's 'yes' is actually 'maybe'.
At this break up stage you know that your partner will eventually do something but you cannot rely on them 100%.
2.
Trust diminishes completely.
You or your partner no longer even pretends that they will come through for the other.
The half truths become lies as your partner stops every pretense of caring enough about you to make any effort for the things that are important to you.
You may continue to be trustworthy toward them but you begin to question whether it is worthwhile due to your partner's un-trustworthiness toward you.
In reciprocation you may start to do things independently of your partner and your partnership is only so in name.
You begin to separate so that each person does only what is for their own interest.
You gradually stop relying on your partner and they stop relying on you as each person relies on them-self.
3.
The partnership dissolves.
You stop consulting each other as each of you does exactly what they want.
You get to know about the big decisions in your partner's life after the decisions have been made.
You are a spectator in your partner's life.
You may still be in relationship with one another but if you were honest you would agree that trust has died in your relationship and that you are not partners.
Trust dies slowly and its death starts innocently enough and some relationships do continue without trust but the relationship is not fulfilling.
If you wonder what it is that makes your relationship not quite what it should be then maybe you are in one of the trust break up stages.
The good news is that trust can be regained in time if both of you are willing to work at rebuilding it.


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